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is there such a thing as a defiant submissive?
I'm not sure why I'm posting this, honestly. Perhaps its just old curiosity. Maybe its my need to always try and understand things or maybe I'm just feeling reckless today :) Whatever the reason, here I am! While I don't see myself becoming anyone's "submissive", I am curious to understand it and understand why I feel drawn to the idea of it. And yes, I was drawn to it BEFORE I read the terribly unrealistic 50 Shades of Grey :) I guess I'm just looking for viewpoints, experiences and opinions... When it comes to being told what to do, I am beyond defiant. I constantly question, push, poke, prod, talk back, mouth off . you name it, I most likely do it. :) I don't like the idea of being told what to do, feeling like I am not in control of myself or what I will and won't do. In fact, I hate the idea of that. BUT when it comes to sex, for some reason, it feels different. Now, the idea of kissing someone's feet, picking things up with my mouth for them or any form of general humiliation has appeal to me, that much I know for sure. However the idea of being made to feel . I'm not sure the word I'm looking for? Overpowered, consumed, lost .. by a man, is intensely erotic to me. Its not a "rape" fantasy, its more of a . giving myself over to a man who feels powerful to me. One who makes me WANT to give myself up to him. Makes me want to be consumed by him. Who I can lose control with. One who I mouth off at or talk back to but he handles it in such a way that makes me give up that defiance and does what he says and makes me WANT to do what he says. Who does what he wants to me, not from a position of "force" but from a position of desire, does that make any sense? I don't know if that's what "submission" is, but I think about things like that and I become extremely turned on, so I guess whatever one might it, I know I want it. I figure there must be someone out there who understands the nature of this type of beast who can explain things to me more. And if not well, then I suppose I am just using as posting as :)
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