this sucker
Guilt and fear make people do weird things, like repeatedly break other hearts and never take the time to find themselves alone. I'm probably one of a thousand people that thinks "this sucks" is a cowardly ex who could be talking to them. It's amazing to me how common this is - "I want you in my life, but I don't want you". How another stranger would immediately ask "do you want to be with this person", only for the original author to have ducked out of the thread. A person with possible addiction problems would maybe be afraid of someone whose "laugh was like " to them. Just a guess. I know I'm still struggling with a hangover from the love I had for a person who sabotaged a good thing that ended over a year ago! It was difficult and I got out to protect myself. Yes it is confusing, just like how some in recovery just trade for other things they use as a crutch. So you care and want to protect someone while "moving on" to at least different "suitors" in a year? Those actions make a person feel like a worthless sucker. Maybe I finally get it. Maybe someone can't let themselves love without feeling like a normal part of it. So they just pick new people like I pick out clothes at Marshalls - I know they aren't going to last but I'm not risking a lot. Risks can most definitely equal big rewards. They can also leave you feeling like you don't want to trust your heart to anybody else but your dog. I wish I could receive her gifts. I gave her my rock hard heart.
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