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Last and final attempt to M.S.Y.
I just wanted to tell you a few things. And some of what I say is probably repetitive and whatnot but, I'm trying my best to give you your space and time. But please try to see things from my point of view and realize that, this is so very difficult for me. You made such a wonderful and lasting impression in my life in such a short time and it's not something I took lightly. I hope you understand that I had to do this. I had to try one more time. I have to fight for you. You are worth the fight, the pain, the agony. You are not someone I want to forget or move on from. Unfortunately the last time we talked you basiy said hearing from me was not wanted in the least bit and that you wanted me out of your life. I want you in my life though and I'm going to fight for you until you tell me to stop, that you will never come back to me. They say don't walk away from anything you can't go a day without thinking about. I've thought about you everyday since we stopped talking. Everything reminds me of you. , music, food....everything! I miss you like crazy! I loved just cuddling with you and having you in my arms. I loved our little pet names for each other. I loved how some of the things I would say, like 'good night!' would make you laugh and smile. I miss your laugh and smile, it always made me feel better. I really miss that cheesy smile you got when I would put my hands on your face and we would kiss lol. I miss hearing your voice, talking to you, flirting with you. I think about all the things we did. Like our first date when I picked you up outside of the ice cream place. Or how you were getting so frustrated that I was beating you in everything lol. Finally I had to let you at the basketball shoot out game. I think about how excited we were to see each other every time. How I've never, in my life, been that excited to see someone or that happy to have, kiss and hold someone. I loved seeing the look on your face when you opened your Christmas presents. I loved cooking with you, especially the sushi. That was so much fun. Neither one of us knew what the hell we were doing haha. The nerf gun fight we had was so much fun! I still can't believe you came unannounced to surprise me!! That was the sweetest, most romantic and thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. Don't get me wrong, the stuff was great too and I miss that as well. The passion, the romance. Our sexual chemistry was just nothing short of amazing. , I miss you so very much. I miss what we had going and I miss thinking about what we could've had. I loved hearing you say that you saw me 'in your life 6 months from now.' I felt like we were just so friggin' perfect for each other. I don't know what went wrong and that bothers the shit out of me. The fact that I can't figure why I lost the best thing that has ever happened to me, aside from my son, is driving me nuts. They say everything happens for a reason. Well I sure as shit would love to know the reason. I would've done anything to make it work with you hoohaa and I'm still willing to do anything. You mean that much to me. I want to be there for you, for everything. I want to be you rock. Your best friend, lover and confidant. I want to explore this world with you right by my side. I know I will never find another person like you. You are a perfectly made blue pancake in a sea of burnt waffles. You are truly a once in a lifetime kind of girl. I thank you for making me such a happy guy for a few short weeks. I thank you, from the bottom of my heart and depths of my soul, for showing me what it feels like to truly, genuinely and deeply love someone. Before I met you I was beginning to think I would never know that feeling. And I couldn't have chosen a more perfect person to finally fall in love with, than you. Whoever came up with the saying it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all...had no what the hell they were talking about. I'm sorry if I did anything wrong or pushed you away or made you feel . It was definitely not my intentions. It was just so hard for me to hold all these feelings and emotions inside. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I wish I had you in my life for good, everyday. I really don't know if this has been as hard for you as it has for me. Or whether or not you even still think about me on a daily basis. But just know I'm always thinking about you and you always have someone in your life who cares about and loves you more than you will ever know. You will always have a special place in my heart honey. Now, if you see this, I know that this letter is going to do one of two things. Either push you so far away that you'll never speak to me again or hopefully, by some chance of a miracle, make you realize and understand that what we had and could have is something that you can't walk away from...ready for it or not. I saw something today. It was written on a fortune cookie paper. It said "if you wait until you're ready, you're going to be waiting for the rest of your life." If you find yourself wanting to give us another chance or just wanting to start talking again and work towards seeing each other again....contact me as soon as possible. If not, 'promise me you'll think of me when you look up at the sky and see a star because I'm space bound rocket ship and your heart is the moon.' Whatever happens, I wish you all the very best in the would, even if it's not with me. You deserve someone great and deserve to be as happy as we were together, for the short time that we were. You will never be forgotten but, always remembered as my first...true...love. M.S.-----Himhaw
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